


curious

by alistaircousland



Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistaircousland/pseuds/alistaircousland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt only realized the scars after a couple of years into their relationships, and he can't help but press for information.</p>
            </blockquote>





	curious

Kurt only realized it when they were running late for their train. They didn’t make it and had to wait for another fifteen minutes for the next one, and Kurt was gripping Sebastian’s arm so tight that his boyfriend hissed and only then, had Kurt realized the small ridges on Sebastian’s supposedly flawless skin.

“Am I hurting you?” Kurt asked as he let go.

“N-no, it’s okay.” Sebastian said a little distracted, rubbing on his inner left arm.

“I did, didn’t I? I’m sorry.” Kurt pressed.

“No, Kurt. Leave it. I’m okay.” Sebastian sighed and dropped his arm, preferring it to go around Kurt’s neck instead. The taller man leaned in to kiss his lover’s hair. “I’m okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Kurt felt there was something more than that, but he kept it until they arrived home before pestering his boyfriend for the truth. “What is it?”

“What?” the other man asked, casually taking off his outerwear and plopping down on the couch.

“You sounded really distracted after my tight grip in your arm.” Kurt started.

“Kurt, I told you. It’s nothing.” Sebastian brushed it off, instead making grabby hand moves at the other person. Kurt relented and snuggled against his boyfriend, sighing contently.

“Can I see?” Kurt, the ever curious person, still asked. He was afraid he had crossed the line and Sebastian would leave, _oh god, what if he’d leave me because I just can’t keep my mouth shut?_

But Sebastian didn’t, and he carefully pulled up his left sleeve up.

“I’m years clean, so don’t worry about it.” Sebastian shrugged. Kurt trailed a finger over the old cuts that had left scars on Sebastian’s pale skin; many were not as prominent as others, but he could clearly felt some jutting out of the skin angrily.

“Why?”

“Because I was gay.”

“Bas—”

“No, seriously. Because I was gay.” Sebastian sighed. “Because I was gay, and I was stupid. I figured out that I don’t like girls when I was as young as 12, and I felt really scared and intimidated. Sexuality was never brought up by my parents—I thought they’d hate me forever and I couldn’t trust Christian because I was scared he’d tell my parents and—basically I don’t want my parents to hate me, okay? But with it came my falling grades, failing attitude, and all—until the school counselor called my parents in, and I—”

Kurt kissed Sebastian’s hand, simultaneously rubbing it, giving him the silent permission to continue on his own time, while the other man’s chest heaved up and down after not stopping to take a breath on his explanation.

“I confessed. My parents cried, Kurt. My dad too. And I felt so guilty and I crashed down as well and Christian was suddenly surrounding me and defending me from my parents, blabbering about he’d hate our parents if they hated me and stuff and—my dad pushed Christian aside and I was so scared but, but. Dad hugged me tight. He just… he couldn’t forgive himself to make me feel that way.”

Sebastian had slumped down in the couch even more at the end, unconsciously holding Kurt tighter to his side. “But of course I couldn’t stop it because I felt guilty for making them cry, I know, it sounds so stupid now, but that’s how I felt, and I felt sorry that I made Christian constantly on fire with dad because he also started to fall academically after my coming out… I didn’t stop until Paris, actually. When Christian and I were separated, and I started to go to clubs and drink and all that… Then I realized it was stupid, and I have all this scars to prove my stupidity, which I covered with more scars, and…

“I was stupid as a teen, Kurt. I insulted your clothes, I nearly blinded Blaine. I helped to trigger Dave’s suicide attempt… That also made me start again, but then Dave and I met personally, and we kind of, helped each other out of our miseries.

“When was that? 7 years ago? Yeah, I’ve stopped that long. The only blade I’ve been holding constantly is just the kitchen knife for cooking since I’m in uni.”

Sebastian was in the verge of tears when he finally met Kurt’s eyes, and he whispered, almost inaudible, “You’re dating a mess. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt couldn’t help but reach up and kiss the man next to him. He put his hands on Sebastian’s cheeks, rubbing it softly as some tears started to steal their way down their faces, giving their kiss a salty tang feeling.

“I don’t mind. I still love you.” Kurt whispered back against Sebastian’s lips. His blue eyes met green, and they both smiled behind their tears.

“I love you too.” Sebastian engulfed Kurt in a bone crushing embrace, as if when he let go, Kurt would run. (He would never.) “I’m sorry it took too long for me to tell you.”

“It’s okay.” Kurt wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s waist, squeezing slightly as if to remind him, _he’s not going anywhere_.

“Okay.” Sebastian buried his head in Kurt’s neck.

“Please come to me if you ever need to talk about it—or if you found anything triggering, Seb. You have me now.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Okay,” another squeeze, _thank you for trusting me_.

It was met with a nuzzle to his neck, a little ticklish, but with smiles forming on their faces, a small _I love you_ in a language only they knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Christian is Sebastian's (twin) brother; this story was supposed to be a part of a collection of stories, but this was so out of theme so I felt this should stand on its own. I should apologize for any mistakes I made--it's 11pm on a school day and I'm drowned in too much feelings.
> 
> (I also seem to have an affinity for twins and mentions of past self-harm in my writings, I'm so sorry)


End file.
